Black, Red and Dwarfs
by M3ra1
Summary: Harley never wouldn't thought that she was robbing the wrong man... or maybe not
1. Yathzee

**Authors note**: I though Harley and Deadpool... why not. Hope you like it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters from DC Comics or Marvel comics.

Chapter 1

**Yahtzee**

Harleen Quinzel A.K.A. Harley Quinn was walking aimlessly through Gotham streets. Her "puddin" had done it again. He pushed her out of a train in movement just for the laugh of it. She had to stay in the Hospital for almost six months before she had the strength to bust out.

"this is it" she said stomping to the aveniu "I won't go back to him" she said out loud. And people looked at her strangely "as if" she mumbled. She knew better. After all she was a shrink she knew she will go back to him. Sooner or later her obsession with the Clown prince of crime will make her go back begging.

"NO!" she screamed and people started to cross the street to avoid her "I won't!" she was trying to convince herself "I need to take him out of my mind" she looked around she was by the piers of Gotham, not much there to go except for the Iceberg Lounge. Not the best place to meet people but it couldn't be worse than the Joker.

It was early but she didn't have anything else to do. She walked to the door. The bouncer looked at her from head to toe, she was wearing some rag jeans and a sweater.

"this is a classy lounge" he told her and didn't allow her to enter. She looked at the big man, he was twice her side... In every direction but he wasn't something she can't handle. In a fast move she took the red cordon he used to block her way, jumped to his shoulders and choked him with it. He fell heavily through the door into the Lounge. Four armed man appeared and pointed their arms to her. She slowly raised her hands.

"who dare to bust into my Lounge" the Penguin said reaching the door

"This is how you receive an old friend?" she said with a smirk. She knew Penguin had a grudge with the Joker. But she also knew they had meant good business for him.

"Harley? Is that you?" He said looking more closely to the blonde woman in front of him

"of course Pengy" she said walking towards him

"you look like crap" he said recognizing the girl and ordering his men to lower their arms "what brings you to my humil place?" he was concern about some Joker skim. She smiled to him.

"I was wondering if you have something more comfortable for me to wear" she said passing two fingers under his chin "I think you owe me a dress" she said in a giggle and played with his sparse hair

"that wasn't my fault" he said reaching for her butt. She didn't mind, she really needed a dress and she didn't had any money. "but alright. For old times sake" he said showing her the way to the back stage. There she had a large choice from all the dresses of the dancers. She found what she was looking for, a little tight black dress, she puted on red high heels and some fantasy jewelry. Tide her hair up and put some make up. When she looked at the mirror she didn't look at the little girl dazzler by the Clown, she looked at the woman in search for adventure.

By the time she was ready the Lounge was full. She sat at the bar and started to look for her adventure. She had some men invited her drinks but when they realized who she was they run away. It was frustrating. She was about to called the night when she saw him. Sitting at the other side of the Lounge in a red and black costume, surrounded by women he wasn't that much impressive but the bag of money on his table was. He had bottles of expensive whisky and champagne. He was practically throwing money.

"That's exactly what I need" she said to herself "an idiot with money" she giggled "who is that?" she asked at the bartender

"he's a crazy one, new in town" the bartender answered "I think he is an assassin, he always comes after a job"

"Exactly what I need" she giggled again and walked towards him. She jumped on top of his table " You. Me. Your apartment. NOW!" she said.

Deadpool just finished another bloody job. This dimension was great. No S.H.I.E.L.D, no Fury, no people running away from him and Batman. He smiled. Yep, life was good on this side of the dimensional rift. He found his heaven in this Iceberg Lounge, a place where he can spend all his profits, eating chimichangas and touching a lot of boobies.

This was his regularly 'job well done' kind of night. A lot of chimichangas and a lot of women. Until blondy arrived, she stood on top of his table, legs slightly open and demand him to take her. But the only thing Deadpool could think in that moment was...

"Mother of Boobies" the little black dress looked about to explode on her breast, her long slim legs and her firm and tight butt make her perfect.

"we can see her panties from here"

"Fuck off blondy" said one of the women surrounding Deadpool "We saw him first, bitch"

The blonde woman smiled, took one of her earrings off and jumped on top of the woman and tear her eyes out with the earring.

"did that just happen?" one of the voices in his head asked

"of course, you idiot we just saw it" the other answered

"shh both of you" Deadpool said to them. While in reality was drooling all over himself

"did you just blinded that woman with your earring?" he finally asked the blonde woman sitting next to him

"she called me bitch" she explained

"Harley!" Penguin appeared "what we talked about blood on the carpet?"

"I'll pay the drycleaning" Deadpool said throwing a bunch of money to Penguins face

"aren't we leaving?" she asked Deadpool.

Both of them left the Lounge and jumped into a taxi.

"the Penguin called her Harley" the intelligent voice in his head said "I think we heard that name before"

"I think I would remember that junk" the other answered

"boobies" whats all Deadpool could say.

She didn't wait to his apartment, she sat on top of him at the taxi, and lift his mask to uncover his mouth. She started to kissing him passionately. He kissed her back. His hands taking turns on her butt and breast. She was moving back and forward, rubbing his pennis with her tights.

"you don't want to wake Mr. Mighty just yet" he whispered between kisses. She giggled and reached for it on his pants. Her hands were experts rubbing just as he liked. She knew exactly what she was doing.

They reach his apartment just in time. He wanted to take her in every surface of his apartment. They entered and she pushed him to a wall.

"I love when they take charge" the smart one said.

Then the woman put her foot on his neck.

"I didn't see this coming"

" uhhh kinky"

" If you wanted you'll have to earn it" she said and in a half turn she kicked him with her other foot.

"You ask for it, sweet tits" Deadpool said and they started to fight.

She giggled and laugh hysterically, she was enjoying this as much as Deadpool was. He ripped her dress with a kitchen knife while teared up his costume with her nails. Both where almost totally naked, she didn't seem to mind about the scars and blisters, she was a total animal and he was liking it too much. Finally he caught her from behind and penetrated her, she moaned and tried to escape but he grabbed her hard and shaked her back and forward. Her body was cover in sweat as his, her hair fell over her naked back, he grabbed her from it and yanked her towards him, so her body was press against his. She pushed the wall in front of her to hit him with the one behind them, Deadpool took advantage of this and turned her around and pinned her to the floor. And penetrated her again, this time she scream in pleasure, she laugh and giggled and wrapped her legs around him. Then yanked him to be on top and started to ride him. He was about to come and realized she was too. He couldn't contain himself anymore and the sperm explode inside her. She too got to the climax and scream

"Yahtzee"

**Authors note**: for those who doesn't know Deadpool he has two voices in his head, a crazy one and a smart one. I know is confusing but try to figure it out. Read ya!


	2. Red Stone

**Authors note**: I though Harley and Deadpool... why not. Hope you like it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters from DC Comics or Marvel comics.

Chapter 2

**Red rock**

Harley woke up and it was still dark. She was on a bed that she didn't remember laid on, but that night was to savage. She smiled remembering it. She turn her head and see her fight partner for the night. His face was cover in blisters and scars, it looked gross but she honestly didn't mind. She fucked worse. She was about to get up when she notice his hands on her breast she giggled. Carefully she moved his hand and jumped out of the bed. She was butt naked. She was about to take the sheet when she saw his body, more blisters and scars.

"better to left it there" she whispered. She walked to the bathroom. She had not noticed the mess of the apartment last night, rotten food everywhere. dirty clothes and blood. She washed her face and notice a rotten salame on her shoulder.

"ewww" she took it of and search for more rotten food on her body. Luckily that was the only thing attached to her, she had minor cuts and some bruises she giggled remembering how she got each and every one of them.

"come on Harley focus" she said to herself "first clothes, then bounty, then the exit"

She moved quietly through the apartment, her dress was torn apart "damn it" she looked for some clothes on the floor, she found a pair of jeans and a hoodie relatively clean, she put them on. She liked to left her underwear on their apartment, it was like a tradition for her.

Once dressed she looked for the bag of cash, and puted it beside the door. Then she looked into every drawer she could find. Most of them had rotten mexican food or weapons, she took a big old revolver for herself.

"jackpot" she smiled looking at what she found in the drawer under the old tv. A big red stone, looked like a diamond, but there were no red diamonds, not as far as she knew. She took it and hide it on the hoodies pocket. Once she ramsack everything she took off.

"first stop breakfast" she said once out of the assassin apartment "I have a craving for pancakes".

she eat on a dinner not far from her motel. Then she went to her room, took a shower and change to something more of her liking, black pants, a red top and a red and black leather jacket. She sat on her bed and turn on the tv.

"boring, boring" she said zapping through the channels.

Suddenly she caught some movement by the corner of her eyes.

"who's there?" she said loading the revolver she stole "I said who is there?" she circle the room. There was nothing. She sat again on the bed.

"easy Harley" she said to herself "you didn't even tell him your name" she smiled "Yeah the poor sucker will never find out who you were" she giggled, then again movement and shadows outside her room. "damn it" she got closer and carefully looked outside. nothing.

"Not good" she whispered "maybe is time to change locations" she grabbed the bag of cash, put in some clothes and left the room.

She walked fast, looking over her shoulder, she had the impression of being followed. But there was nothing behind her. She decided to go to one of their old hideouts, Hers and her Puddin's. "That bastard" she mumbled. It was an old candy factory. A fire had consume most of the structure and the owner use the insurance money to retire, leaving this place to fell down by its own. She and her Puddin find this place and adjusted it to their needs, until B-man found it and they were force to move.

She sat on a dusty chair and opened the bag of cash, she wanted to count her bounty. A loud sound caught her attention, she run towards the revolver.

"who's there?!" she said "come out to play!" she said with a sarcastic smile.

Suddenly something grabbed her legs and made her fall.

Deadpool woke up really satisfied.

"_great sex last night" _said one of the voices on his head

"yeah" he answered out loud "sweet tit's?" he looked around for the blonde woman.

"_I guess she left"_

"that is called a great booty call" he said walking to the kitchen

'_I still think we should remember that name" _the smart voice said

"Ashley" Deadpool asked

"_that wasn't it"_

"Marley?"

"_nope"_

"then never mind" he took some chimichanga leftovers and eat them. He heard something outside his door.

"_I guess the red smurfs found us" _the dumb voice said

"slice and dice time"

From every window little red men entered. deadpool was naked but he had his katanas at hand. He started to cut them as they came, but every time he stab them to death they just kept standing up.

"How we are supposed to kill this things?"

"_Have you tried their heart?"_

"done it"

"_how about their heads, maybe they are zombies"_

"worth the try" Deadpool said cutting clean off the head of one of them. " Yeah, I think he is not moving"

He started to cut and shot heads until there was no red men standing.

"damn they are stubborn" he opened the drawer under the tv. He only found a note "Thank you for everything" and a little heart at the end

"_that bitch"_

"_that bitch"_

"That bitch. She took the diamond"

"_Harley!"_

"What?"

"_Her name was Harley"_

"I know that" Deadpool said a little annoyed

"_Harley Quinn maybe?"_

"the clown woman? I thought she was crazy"

"_She had crazy sex with us and she fits the description"_

"Good point" He looked at his hand, it was completely black "That is not good"

"_we have to find her, she could be in danger"_

"_forget danger, we won't get paid if we don't deliver that diamond"_

"I think I should be more concern about this black hand thing"

"_nevermind that, lets find mother of boobies"_

"Sounds like a plan"

Deadpool was about to leave the apartment when he found it.

"Big boobs underwear" he said in a teenage girl squeek, and he put it on his head "They smell so nice"

"_Focus Deadpool" _The smart voice said

"Right, lets find her"

"_Aren't you forgetting something?"_

"mmm keys, katanas…?"

"_Clothes?"_

"right"

Once dress deadpool left the apartment to find Harley Quinn.


	3. Dwarfs

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters from DC Comics or Marvel comics.

Chapter 3

**Dwarfs**

Harley was being dragged across the factory, She couldn't see who was dragging her but he made a mistake messing with her. She reached out and grabbed a mallet,she hit the one grabbing her and stood up. Then a bunch of red little men enter the room.

"ok, thats odd" she said toking her mallet in top of her head "you look like naked little red dwarfs" she swing it to maintain the away from herself.

One of them went into the bag trying to find something while the others started to attack her.

Suddenly from the ceiling Deadpool appeared. Falling on top of the dwarfs.

"YOU" she said swing her mallet towards Deadpool

"Sweet Tit's" he said opening his arms like waiting a hug. The mallet hit him right on the face "you miss me" he said recovering from the punch.

She ran towards her gun and started to shot the red men. Everytime she shot them they stood up again.

"why you don't die" she shout throwing the empty revolver

"_she looks beautiful when she is fighting"_

"Come what are you waiting for? an invitation" she shout at Deadpool "How do you kill them?"

"they are like Zombies,not like The Walking dead zombies, more like white walkers from Game of Thrones"

"soo destroying the head?" she said smashing the head of one with her mallet

"_she got it!"_

"_I think I'm in love" _

Both were fighting back to back and the amount of red dwarfs didn't decrease

"What the hell do they want?!" She asked hitting two

"I think I took their deity" Deadpool said decapitating an other

"YOU?!" she hit one behind Deadpool "But what they want with me!"

"you stole it from me" She stopped her fighting

"the red diamond?"

"ding ding ding, we have a winner, tell her Wade what she won. Well Wade dear Harley Quinn won a death curse from the Caribbean tribe of red pigmeos"

"take it" she throw the red rock to him "not worth the trouble" The dwarfs went after the diamond and left Harley a way to escape.

She took the money bag, and run away.

"Freak" she mumbled when she was far enough "but he was kind of cute" she smiled in satisfaction. "wait, he knew my it Harley!" she had her mallet on one shoulder the bag of money on the other "Ok. new plan, lets hide just until the money runs out" she nodded to herself .

Meanwhile, Deadpool finished decapitating the red dwarfs.

"She left us" Deadpool said kicking a head "after all I did for her"

"_she is an ungrateful bitch" _

"_forget about her"_

"she run away with my money" Deadpool objected.

"_that bitch"_

"at least I have the diamond" he said looking at the stone "this will buy a lot of chimichangas" he smiled

Harley was at another safe house, this time something smaller, it was a little apartment on downtown Gotham, it was under an alias of Harley. She took another shower, the red dwarfs had bathed her in their blood.

"Damn dwarfs" she hit the wall while the hot water run through her naked body."Ouch" she said looking at her hand. A black spot started on her palm "What the hell?" she tried to wash it out but nothing happen " That creep infected me with something!" she tried even harder to clean her palm " Serves me well for betraying my Puddin… Again" she got out the shower and laid on the bed naked. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

When she woke up in was dark outside.

"Wow how long did I sleep?" She put on a pair of jeans and a pink hoody. She hide her hair and puted globes, the black spot had grown and cover all her palm now. She went out for dinner.

The apartment was in a nice district of Gotham, she didn't need to walk far to find a nice restaurant.

She order a steak and looked around, she had the feeling of been monitored. She need to kept the low profile until the money run out. For that kind of money wouldn't take her more than three days, after that she wouldn't have anything to give back and the red dwarfs would take care of Deadpool.

She relaxed a little thinking she had dodge the ball this time. Then she saw a red flash at the corner of her eyes. She grabbed her meat knife in one hand, her fork in the other, and slowly turned. Nothing. This time she didn't relax. She knew they were there, the red dwarfs.

Someone jumped to her from the window, she stab him in the eye.

"fuck, fuck, fuck" she repeated while the panic run through the restaurant. People started to scream and run while Harley used everything at her disposal to destroy the dwarfs heads.

"stay dead!" she scream smashing a head against the wall.

"Harley?" a deep voice called. for the first time in her life she was happy to hear it

"B-man" She smiled and hide behind him "those murderous red dwarfs are following me"

"What did you do Harley?" the tall man said hitting the little naked red men.

"Nothing! This time I swear is not my fault" she smashed a chair onto one of them.

"This is not working" Batman though looking at the little man standing up again "we need to retreat" he said to the blonde girl and grabbed her by the arm. Both run and Batman drop some gas pellets making the perfect courtine to escape.

Once on the ceiling of one of the close buildings Batman questioned Harley.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" He said pushing her against a wall

"I swear B-man" she said almost about to cry "this wasn't my fault"

"What did you know about Wade Wilson?"

"Wade what?" her tone changed

"he calls himself Deadpool"

"Is that idiots fault" she said angry "I swear Bats when I put my hands on that creep" she mimic choking some invisible man and Batman notice her blacked hand.

He grabbed her hand and run a quick test.

"What?" she said yanking her hand from his "What's wrong with my hand?"

"Not sure" he said looking down the building "but we have to leave this place" He show her a little pellet, when she touched it a sleeping gas was release and she fell asleep.

When Harley woke up she was in some kind of bunker. She was tied to a chair.

"Hey Bats" she said looking at the dark man was typing something on a big computer "I like the kinky stuff as much as the next girl but can you.. emm untied me?"

"No" he answered not even turning around. She smiled that was exactly what she wanted. She started to untie herself, while keeping an eye on the Bat.

She was about to get herself free when the Bat turned. she stopped all movement and saw him.

"Have you seen this" He pointed to a image of the red Diamond Harley stole from Deadpool

"no, never" she lied

"Don't lie to me Harley" he said in his deep voice, she looked again at the picture

"oh, I didn't see it all that well from here" she excused herself " Yes I saw it"

"did you touch it?"

"maybe.." she didn't look at him

"Harley!"

"ok, ok I stole it from Deadpool" She said and sighed "I deserved it after all the things I did to him" she giggled

"I don't want to know" Batman said "This is a curse diamond" he said showing some other images on the screen "It is part of an ancient Aztec legend. They believed an evil god was trap on the stone thats why it turned red and everyone who steal it will be curse to became one of the stone protectors"

"Boring!" she said almost free. He walked to her and grabbed her hand, he wasn't surprise she wasn't tie anymore.

"this" showing her hand "is the curse"

"What you mean? I'll become one of those red dwarfs?" Batman nodded "oh no, I don't want to become a red dwarf, Batman you have to help me!"

"Do you still have the diamond?" he asked, she negated with her head "You need to return it to its original place"

"And thats where?" she asked looking at the screen. He released her.

"A caribbean Island…" She didn't hear anymore. The red dwarfs found them. She hit some with the chair and the run through a tunnel, she wasn't paying much attention to the road, she was more concern about the evil red dwarfs following her.

Before she realised she was at the pier again. She run to a storage, there she started to smash the heads of every dwarf that came after her until she finish them all.

"I have to find that jerk" she mumbled to herself "Bats will be here any minute" She looked back and forward, there were no place to hide. So she did the only thing she could think of. She jump to the sea.


	4. Finding Freeze

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters from DC Comics or Marvel comics.

Chapter 4

**Finding Freeze**

Deadpool really enjoy the red dwarfs encounters. It allow him to have something to kill.

"_she left us"_ said the smarter voice in his head

"_that bitch!"_ Said the other one

"At least she gave us back the Diamond" Deadpool said walking out of the candy factory "And you know what that means?"

"_CHIMICHANGAS!"_

"CHIMICHANGAS!" Said Deadpool and the horny voice on his head at the same time

He arrived to the place of the exchange.

"What is with this people and abandoned factories?" Deadpool said entering an old factory.

"_Why there are so many abandoned factories?"_

"You are late" a metallic voice sound out of the shadows

"Yeah I hit a bunch of speedbumps. But I have your diamond" Deadpool said showing the red rock and a smile under his mask.

"good. Now give it to me"

" ah ah aaah" Deadpool said saying no with his finger "first you show me yours and then I show you mine"

Dr. Freeze hump annoyed and his henchmen trow 5 bags full of money and a scale.

"you can count it but I doubt you can count that far"

"that why I ask for the scales" Deadpool smiled "let me see" he said weighing a bag "20.4 pounds" he smiled and weigh the next bag and the next and he next until he weighed all the bags.

"I think is all well" Deadpool said he picked all bags

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Freeze said while his henchmen pointed their guns at Deadpool.

"oh yes, the rock" he throwed the red diamond to Freeze and left skipping and humming a song.

_"5 million, great score"_

" and I know exactly where to go first"

_"Iceberg Lounge"_

_"Iceberg Lounge"_

"I still think this black hand thing is bad" he looked at his already black arm "Is spreading"

_"We figure out that later, now BOOBIES"_

When he arrived to the Iceberg Lounge it was full. He left four of the five bags at home, this time he wouldn't take his chances with blonde demanding women. The guard at the door recognized him and let him in with a smile.

He was taken to his usual table and the women and chimichangas started coming.

"_Chimichangas and Boobs. Best combination ever"_

Something was happening at the front door but he didn't pay too much attention. Priscilla was wearing a really small top and she was asking to be touch.

"WHERE IS DEADPOOL" He heard screaming closer now

"Harley, Dear you can't come in here arm" Penguins voice sounded stress

"Get outta my way stupid bird" Harley pushed Penguin aside and reach Deadpool's table

"Sweet tits, you came back!" Deadpool open his arms waiting for a hug. Instead Harley stabbed him on the leg with a kitchen knife"

"Don't sweeten me you stupid Jerk" She said putting a gun under his chin "and tell me where is the diamond"

"Harley you cannot come here to threaten my clients" The Penguin said with two bodyguards pointing their guns to her

"This has nothing to do with you, so Fuck of Penguin" She said with a crazy look that made the bodyguards to step back a little "Now tell me where is the diamond!" she press the gun against his chin

"I already sold it" he said pushing the gun aside and trying to eat a chimichanga without raising his mask

"to who?!"

"I think you meant to whom" Deadpool corrected her "Unless you think that popsicle guy is not much of a threat"

"You sold to Freeze?" she said even more piss "Where is he?"

"I don't know" Deadpool said.

She immediately turned to the Penguin. Her crazy eyes were almost sparkling. And point her gun to him

"Where I can find Freeze?"

"I don't…"

"Give it up sweetheart" Deadpool interrupt "You can't have it" She looked at Deadpool like she looked a cockroach and shot him between the eyes.

Nothing really matter now for Harley, she entered the Iceberg Lounge shotting everyone on her way. She was on her jester outfit with a mallet on one hand and a big revolver on the other.

Now she needed to know where to find Freeze. Everything got even worst.

"I said Where I can find Freeze?" Deadpool's blood was all over the couch and carpet

"Harley!" Penguin said angry "I don't know, Freeze doesn't share his location with me"

"But you always know" she said in a crazy smile and shot his bodyguards before they could even move "Now Pengy You are going to tell me where Freeze is or I'll give you a new hole between your eyes"

"I'll do what she says" Deadpool voice sound behind her "unless you need a new hole"

she turned very slowly and looked at the merc, his head was healed but his costume had the mark of the shot

"That is impossible" Harley mumbled "I killed you"

"You tried" Deadpool said raising his mask and eating a chimichanga "But you know I can't die, I have this thing called healing factor, but I can still feel pain"

Her blue eyes widened and looked perplex for a moment, then an evil smile draw into her lips.

"Lets test it" she said and empty her revolver on his chest while hitting Penguin with her mallet "Penguin talk NOW" she order before Deadpool finished healing

"He is in the meatpacking district" Penguin said while waiting for his security to arrived "You won't get to him thou" he said with a smirk.

She looked around to the coming guards, they were too much for her to handle alone.

"That seriously hurt" Deadpool said and she jump backwards to sat beside him

"Listen you jerk that stupid diamond of yours is turning us into red dwarfs" she said showing him her arm. He uncover his and compare the blackness of both "If you don't want to end like a red zombie you better help me find the diamond"

For a moment Deadpool stood immobile looking at the blonde girl in the jester outfit. Harley couldn't tell what he was thinking, but suddenly he sighed and stood up.

"So, where are we going?" She smiled and pointed at Penguin's guards

"First lets get out of here"

Deadpool took his katanas and started to slice everything on his path. Harley just walked close to him.


	5. Recover

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters from DC Comics or Marvel comics.

Chapter 5

**Recover**

Both Red and Black crazies were running through Gotham streets. Harley seemed to know exactly where she was heading, Deadpool was just following her ass.

The meatpacking district smelled like rotten meat, blood and ice. She stopped in front an ice factory.

"I think we found him" she said smiling

"Are you sure?" Deadpool couldn't believe it would be that easy. and he was right. They started to search all the premises around but couldn't find any clue of Freeze.

When the sun came down she sat on a rooftop and look at her arm. It was blackened until her shoulder.

"This is pointless" she sighed "we'll become red dwarfs" she lied down.

"I think I found him" Deadpool said all of the sudden

"don't play with me" she answered looking at the sky turning slowly black

"I mean it" Deadpool said "look" He was pointing a roof not far from their position.

Harley sat down and look. A mass of red was moving on the rooftop

"I think they are our future selves" he joked. She stood up and smiled

"Lets get our diamond"

"the last one there is a red dwarf" said Deadpool jumping to the next building

"thats not fair" Harley screamed and laughed.

Dr. Freeze was running out of henchmen to throw to the little beasts. He knew they were after the diamond but he wasn't even considering give it to them. He needed it. And to complicate thing even more Batman was at the scene.

- This wont end well - he mumbled while running to the next room. He had to secure the diamond and leave that place. He made sure not to directly touch it. The curse was really simple to avoid.

He carefully put the diamond in a little black box and was about to escape when a voice stoped all his movement.

"Are you leaving so early?" a high pitch voice said behind him

"We just arrived to the party" Deadpool in a killer voice said - Chill out

"chill out" Harley laugh hysterically and point a big revolver to Freeze's head "now give us the diamond"

"I understand why is he here" Freeze said turning back slowly "But what are YOU doing here Harley?"

"Don't be rude with the lady and give her what she asks" Deadpool said pointing his katana to his neck.

"I see" he said hiding the black box on his suit "You found a new crazy to attached yourself"

"No ewww" she said "Is not that"

"Is not?" Deadpool asked

"Well maybe a little" she said smiling provocatively to him. Freeze took advantage of their distraction and took his freeze gun. He started to shot, both attackers jump backwards and hide behind some tables.

"It is a shame but I can't stay any longer" the door from the other room started to pound "but I think you'll have company very soon"

"Not so fast - Batman jumped on him" is over Freeze

"Bats!" Harley jumped from behind the table "great to see you" she stopped in front Freeze "we were just about to take him out" He didn't even saw her

"Where is Deadpool" Batman asked Freeze

"That idiot?" Freeze said with a smile under his helmet "Why don't you ask Harley?" Batman turned slowly to see the blonde girl stepping back slowly

"I don't know what he is talking about" she said with a nervous laugh "You know"

Batman nock Freeze out and started walking towards Harley

"Where is he?" Batman said raising a batarang

"Why should I tell you?" She said reaching the door

"Harley!"

"You have other things to take care" she said opening the door and letting the red dwarfs in the room. Meanwhile Deadpool sneaked behind them and reach Freeze. He took the black box and signaled Harley. She run through the red dwarfs entering the room to the front door. While deadpool left by the back door.

"That was fun" Harley said running aimlessly through Gotham "So now what?"

"_we can have sex again"_

"_we should get the diamond to its original place"_

"_or… have sex again"_

"So…" she said looking at the pensive Deadpool "anything?"

"we could have sex again" he smiled under his mask. she laugh and hit him softly on the shoulder

"You are funny" she stopped walking "and on the other hand is not a bad idea" she winked

"_told ya!"_

"But first I want to stop turning into a dwarf"

"we have the diamond" Deadpool said playing with the black box

"B-man said something about returning it"

"So we give it to the red dwarfs?"

"I think we have to actually put it back where it came from"

"And that was?"

"I don't know, you stole it!"

"right" Deadpool said "I took it from pyramid on an island at the caribbean"

"well, field trip it is" she said clapping her hands and smiling


	6. The Guide

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters from DC Comics or Marvel comics.

Chapter 6

**The Guide**

"Remind me again why I'm paying for this trip?" deadpool said to the beautiful blonde on the sit beside his on first class

"Because I don't have any money" she said winking at him "and you own me for the curse"

"I didn't curse you" he said scratching his rubber face "You stole the diamond from me!"

"give it, stole it. Same thing" she said smiling.

The fly wasn't long enough for them to settle the discussion but both were too easy distracted with the view.

"So where now?" She asked grabbing her backpack.

"mm we have to find my guide" he said scratching his face "We need to hurry I hate this fake face"

"Yeah, me too" Harley said not even looking at him "It doesn't suit you" She picked up a taxi "you should lose it"

"_Did she just say she like our scar face better?"_

"_I think she did"_

"Are you sure, I mean I'm a charming fella but my face…"

"Your scars are kind of sexy" she smiled provocatively.

"_take it off"_

Deadpool took off his fake face, the driver almost crash when he look at him on the mirror, but Harley really seemed to dig the scars.

"much better" she said

They reach their destination, the taxi driver didn't charge them he wanted to ditch the as fast as he could. Harley skipped to the main door of an old hotel. Deadpool put his red and black mask and kick the door open

"Wilma I'm home!" he screamed. Everyone at the lobby turned their head to the weird couple at the door.

"You!" a female voice said from the back "YOU!" a brunette woman came out of the receptionist desk and walked angrily to Deadpool "How dare you to show your stupid face here again"

"You miss me" Deadpool said opening his arms to hug the woman. She slapped him twice.

"Leave now!"

"But we need you"

"Why WE need her?" Harley said

"And who is this! Another of your 'girlfriends'?!" The woman said pulling one of Harley's pigtails

"I can explain" Deadpool said almost enjoying the view

"Hands off old lady" Harley said pushing the woman away

"OLD! I'LL SHOW YOU OLD!" The woman said and pull Harley to the floor.

"You'll regret that" Harley said and kick the woman in the face.

"_this needs mud"_

"And bikinis"

"_and maybe tacos"_

"What is going on there?" A tall man arrived and stopped the fight "Ladies, please this is not the way to solve differences"

"Yeah" Deadpool said "Lets move this to the pool"

"Deadpool" The man said and looked at him angry "You are not welcome here"

"Hey!" he said offering a bag of money "No heart feelings?"

"We don't want your money" The man said

"_that's a first"_

"I really reeeeeeelly need her help" he said in his most annoying voice

"It is matter of life and death" Harley said dusting her clothes

"Oh" he said looking at Harley "You don't have to ask I'll help you until the end of my days"

"eh…" Harley looked at the man, then at Deadpool, then at the man "How sweet" she said with a smile "We got a little problem and my friend here says your friend can help us" she played with his chin

"You should pick better friends" He said giving a dead look to Deadpool

"Yeah I know" she smirked "Would you help us?"

"I won't do it" the woman said.

"We can't let this beautiful lady to Deadpool's luck"

"I know pretty blue eyes gets you" she said "But I won't do it" Harley took the bag from Deadpool and offer it to the woman "We are not like you" she said pushing the money away "You cannot buy us"

"I'm not buying you" Harley said

"We aren't?" Deadpool said

"No we are not, we are paying in advance" She said with a smile "You are a guide, right?"

The woman looked at the blonde girl, she looked harmless but the kick made her nose bleed, and she was hanging with Deadpool.

"What do you want" she finally said taking the bag and looking at the money

"Just a tour back to where you took me last time" Deadpool said with a smile under his mask

"The pigmeos piramyd?" she said a little confuse "There is nothing there, you yourself told me that"

"I said theres nothing there ANYMORE"

"you took it" the woman said in a grave tone "You gigantic idiot!" she said and grabbed both of them to the back of the hotel. The man follow them.

"I told you not to touch the Red God" She said to Deadpool

"I didn't touch it" He said. The woman pull his sleeve exposing the blackness of his skin "I just took the red diamond"

"that IS the Red God! You idiot"

"oooooohh" She looked at Harley and she showed her arm

"Anyone who touches it gets curse"

"Oh! my sweet Lady you are curse, just like in a fairy tale" the man said grabbing Harley's hand

"Riiiight" Harley said pulling her hand away "So how do we broke the curse?"

"I don't know" the woman said "no one ever found the diamond"

"I did" Deadpool said triumphant

"And now you are curse" The man said

"Maybe there is a way" the woman said a little pensive "Is an old legend"

"as old as you?" Harley mumbled, and she and Deadpool giggled. She just gave the blonde girl a mean look and continue

"It is a story about an evil Princess who didn't want to marry a fool King. She asked him to find her the precious of all stones, the Red God. The fool King was aware of the curse but didn't care, he wanted to marry the Princess, so he went into the Dwarfs land and found the pyramid, but the diamond wasn't there"

"I know, I know" Deadpool said like a nerdy kid at school "I know the answer" She just ignored him

"The Red God wasn't in the middle of the pyramid like any other treasure, no. The Red God was under ground deep into the earth, close to its real master. The King took the diamond and presented it to the evil Princess. Thinking that she would accept the present and became his wife, but the Princess just laugh and pointed his blackened arm and torso 'you are curse and know you'll become one of the protectors of the Red God' The King realised the darkness on the Princess heart and throw the diamond into her hands 'Now we both will become protectors' He said in a bitter try to get revenge, but she laughed again 'You fool King' she said grabbing the diamond 'I'll never became a red guardian, my heart is already darkness while yours is full of useless dreams'"

"So we need to be evil" Deadpool said like a great discover

"I think we already are" Harley said thinking in all the evil things she did

"Maybe we need to be even more evil" Deadpool said thinking

"I'm not done yet" The woman said

"I think my Puddin hide a dirty bomb in one of our places" Harley ignored her.

"Your Puddin?" Deadpool said

"Never mind that" She answered a little annoyed "We could activate it on Gotham and BOOM"

"That sound pretty evil" Deadpool agreed

"could you both shut up!" The woman shout "I'm not done yet" She sighed and continue her story "The Princess gave the diamond back to the King just as a reminder of his foolishness. The King walk through the island aimlessly asking the Gods for help. Then the spirit of the water took mercy on his soul and presented herself to the King. 'You woke up the Red God' she said and the King fell to his knees and pleaded to the water spirit to help him 'I'll help you because your heart was betrayed by darkness, take the Red God to his place and I'll sing a lullaby so he go to sleep again' and the King took the diamond to the deepest place in the pyramid and put it on its place. Then the water spirit sang a soft lullaby clean and soothing like the waters of the ocean"

"And…?" Harley said impatient

"That's it" the woman answer

"Well thats a crappy story" Deadpool

"Did the curse broke?" Harley asked hopefully

"It doesn't say" The woman answered without looking at them "But is the only legend that says something about the curse"

"So we have to take the diamond to its place and sing to it?" Deadpool said

"I guess so" The woman said doubting

"That's ridiculous" Harley said kick the floor "I don't think singing to it would help at all"

"Maybe not literally singing to it, more like lull it" The woman said "I'll take you to the pyramid but thats it" she said handing the bag of money to the man "whatever you need to do to broke the curse is your problem" Both crazies look at each other and noded. "Then we leave at dawn"

"No, we leave now" Deadpool said crossing his arms on his chest

"mmm ok " The woman said

"You suppose to say 'you forget the carrots for Sven'" Deadpool said disappointed

"What?" The woman said walking back into the hotel

"Do you wanna build a snowman?" Harley said laughing and Deadpool squeak.

"we leave as soon as I'm ready. Anything to get rid of you"

**A.N: **Hope you like the story. I just wanted to do a light story about Deadpool and Harley. Please review it if you like it. enjoy!


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